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Alone Journal Entry Pt. 2

I’m here driving and I constantly find myself wanting, searching, hoping I end up lost in a place far from home. Like a accidental trip down a rabbit hole. Where I find healing amongst the trees in a place so deserted it’s seems like I’m the only person that air was to meant for. Where the birds sing the melodies I write too. Where the water splashes its waves just for me to hear and the sunlight paints a picture just for my eyes to see. Where the earth blooms just for me to smell her scent - so sweet. A place where it feels like the entire landscape was lonely until I appeared in its presence- Patiently waiting for me to witness this wonderful essence of beauty 

And I know we all have these moments where we wish we can escape this world around us. Disappear with no trace, and no one would ever worry about us. We wouldn’t have to paint this picture of a fairytale for the secrets we’re too scared to tell, the ones we carve patches in ourselves for, so deep it becomes like our inner well and we just throw all the pain we wish to ignore- the suffering, the guilt, throwing all of the parts of ourselves we can never unveil straight into this well,m- hoping to God they don’t have to strength to climb up and set themselves free. I don’t think anyone will ever know about the tears I shed on this drive. Tears shed because despair absorbed all the oxygen and left me struggling to survive. Straggling and searching for the reason I’m alive. Wondering how- for God’s sake how?! can I live this life I imagine in my mind, when I’m stuck in my own well inside.  

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