07/26/2018 5:53am

“Somethings got a hold on me I can’t let it go Out of fear I won’t be free” I’m sorry I’m a rebel I’m sorry that I dream I’m sorry I was constantly looking for peace while you’d scream I know your way of showing you care is by being controlling But sooner or later I’ll fight to be free Say goodbye for the hopes that couldn’t be Say goodbye to the house of bittersweet memories Baby I hope you forgive me But I have to go chase the breeze I wish I could’ve taken you with me Now I see you trapped in his prison On your last breathe I always wish things could be different That night I hop the fence And ran from his grip I cried for you in every sense I ran from him But I also felt myself running from me Abandoning the fear who pretended to be me Abandoned the anger that tried to crush my dreams For once all alone I finally felt free I traveled hours on scooter And felt eyes everywhere stare in disbelief I trespassed a community just so I could sleep In the cold with nothing but a blanket of belief And dry Ramon noodles to eat I don’t know if you were worried of where I could be Or if you were somewhat pleased I forgave you for me Because I can’t let this anger consume all that is me And turn me into you.. We don’t talk about that day Or all the other days we’ve been through But I sometimes wish our relationship was different Every time I’m near you I become so timid I still see that monster in there The same one that took over that night I looked you in your eyes I didn’t see you I saw your demise You chopped everyone else’s wings just because you couldn’t fly But atleast you’re here to sow our wings and make things right Atleast you stand by my side And I don’t question if you’ll give your life I know you will for me Sometimes when I look into your eyes I feel like I see the disguise You can be a nice guy But you lose yourself in your shadows And I don’t know how to open your blinds But I think someone else does. I’m sorry for what we became But I also wouldn’t change a thing Because of you I know how to deal with the pain Instead of letting it consume me without refrain I love you and I know you’ve changed One day I hope I could see you truly happy instead of all your pain You work so hard for your age And I work hard so that you won’t have to I don’t mean to doubt you And I’m working on letting go of the past Just so this father son relationship can truly last When you’re gone I’ll miss you And I’ll remember you for who you wanted to be Not for the task you couldn’t complete Nor the monster you couldn’t defeat While you’re here I don’t want you to be a distant memory I stay distant because I don’t know if you ever broke free From your demons But God gave you strength to dream And I’ll do anything to make it reality I love you and I hate what we couldn’t be But you’re the reason I’m me You’re the reason I’m free And I thank you for letting me be One day our past won’t be in my memory I’m sorry for what we couldn’t be But I know what we can I love you for making me a stronger man. This father son relationship was all part of his plan.

#journalentry