12:18 and I can sit here and watch you sleep all night.
I wonder what you dream as I’m wondering what this all means.
The hardest thing is coming home to you already asleep. No play time for me. I’m missing all the important laughs and screams.
Only a few hours before I have to leave. And you question where I may be.
I’m sorry baby daddy has to make money. In order to care for you, in order to care for mom, in order to grow so hold on b/c I promise this struggle won’t be
Constantly searching for ways to heal
Heal myself and my wounds
Heal without needing to consume any drug, any pill
Heal myself and the deepest depths I try to cover
Heal myself without needing any form of attention to make me feel accepted
Heal myself without needing any form of affection to make me feel complete
Heal myself and learn the name of the demons I conceal.
How can I heal?
When all I’m searching for is someone to have next to me to keep it real. Someone I ca
I’m here driving and I constantly find myself wanting, searching, hoping I end up lost in a place far from home. Like a accidental trip down a rabbit hole.
Where I find healing amongst the trees in a place so deserted it’s seems like I’m the only person that air was to meant for. Where the birds sing the melodies I write too. Where the water splashes its waves just for me to hear and the sunlight paints a picture just for my eyes to see. Where the earth blooms just for me to
Honestly I feel like I’m all alone
I scream to make my voice heard but the only thing that comes out is silence
I’m being tug in every which way, please life pull a little harder til my limbs break
This shit on my back is gaining weight
The rocks their throwing are hitting a little harder
Leaving bruises that ache and leaves me asking how much further can I go
I’m losing hope
Despair in the air as I walk on this tightrope
Wondering if the next rock that hits me will knock m
July 10th, As I’m working on my writing I’m wondering how to write so glamorously
But I know that isn’t me nor is that how I want others to perceive me to be
I can’t get my mind off of you and all the things we can be
But in reality
I don’t know if those dreams will ever come into fruition
Yet I’m so in love with the fascination that comes when I daydream of our destination
All the “ifs” and “buts” can’t disintegrate the positive wonders that unveil in my subconscious brain
I’ll write a quick poem for you
Idk what it is, I’m searching for clues
But I keep on having dreams of you
Maybe it was reading my book last night it made so many memories come through
It’s funny all those nightmare you had, they all came true
I know you don’t think of me anymore like I think of you.
And honestly maybe it’s cause you found someone new
That gave you feelings I could never produce
So while you’re happier with that someone new
I’m still waiting patiently hopi
Today we love to claim we’re an open book when really we just ripped out the pages we don’t want anyone to read. So when it comes to vulnerability I wonder what makes us so afraid to be open... that fear of being judged, that feeling not being good enough. #June #JournalEntry
What does it mean to be vulnerable? Bare & true to yourself? I feel like if you ask this question to 5 million people you’ll get 5 million answers..
I sit in the dark, wondering where to start, cutting myself open in order to create all this art, so others can feel the honesty that comes from this heart. Now I’m questioning why I’m left lying here torn apart..
— Sometimes you have to tell yourself don’t be so harsh. You are who you are, so don’t censor the truth of your hear
I’m sitting here in the middle of my neighborhood. In a house that hasn’t fully been built yet. It’s just a base cement. No walls just a platform.
I sit here in the middle of this platform under the stars, under the moon.
Just simply taking in life and all it’s beauty
Thank you god for allowing me to be alive in this very moment. Allowing me to see the stars glow and sparkle within every blink
I’m amazed #June #JournalEntry
It’s so hard to let go of that need to control
I want to truly feel and let go
Sometimes It’s like fear of time is what makes you want to control everything
That fear of not having enough time makes me want to fear the future
And In return I try to control what’s around me into order for everything to come out the way I want now and be at my destination now
I remain a hermit at times because including myself in my surroundings makes me that much more anxious to be somewhere
Here I am procrastinating, denying. Contemplating jumping off the ledge to see if there’s a such thing as flying.
I’m never here when I want to be
Always there or nowhere at all
Choosing for myself what is right and what is wrong
Until the line I’m walking just dissolves
With no line where shall I step?
So many decisions in order to feel like I have control of my life.
So many decisions but no decision is ever wrong or right. It’s just life
I get entangled in thoughts
The reality about positive thinking is that it’s not something that stays 24/7 & it isn’t something you can forcefully control. Don’t censor or deny what you feel, we’re all humans that go through changes & “the road to freedom is not through feeling good; it is through feeling true to yourself”.
Discover a way to release that emotional debt we hold on ourselves in order to find your place in the present. #awareness #self #selfawareness #journalentry
I’m driving through midnight
Tears in my eyes
A beautiful feeling is calling;
A longing. A daydream..
So much is out of my control and it feels wonderful because I finally let go.
The universe and her beauty has many blessings to unfold
And there’s no telling which way I may go
But grace is becoming all that I know
I used to wish for your warm body to hold
I used to wish for roses to grow
But now I just close my eyes and let my heart focus on the road #heart #medita
Another sunrise on a bed of poison ivy. Ignite and burn so I can hear you scream silently. Why is such a virus produced inside of me? There’s a solution to everything right? But you seem to be incurable like the rarest form of cancer. I run and hide, pat and dry, why is there no one around me that can see the truth in my eyes? You are too much of a distraction, leading to my demise & interrupting my pride. This riverwater of hatred is starting to rush & rise, becoming an estu
A lot of judgement
A lot of doubts
Pressure continues to pile on
But trust yourself that you’ll make it through
Trust that God will see you through
Trust that the universe will see you through
Just don’t ever stop and doubt yourself
Keep believing in yourself #fear #selfawareness #self #believe #trust #journalentry #patience #infinite
In the moment everything feels right
when I’m talking to you
I understand the world
Direction and guidance
I feel it
And for the some reason I feel you
And might heart moves to the rhythm
And becomes one with the vibration
It’s so hard to describe what I feel for me
Everything is perfect
And everything around me is one
I’m in the exact moment I need to be in
And i vibe
To the motion of the universe
I just be
And accept I’m a human being
Another falling leaf, painted dull. Looking up at the fated tree as it gently kisses the land’s cheek. The fated tree, sheds it’s leaves
Only one last breath he may breathe...
I feel him in me.
A bond with life - one with trees. Because I need them and they need me. There’s no other way we can be. But it’s beautiful,
Don’t you see?
Life and death, this cycle of being.
Mother Nature goes through devastating events. But she continues to be our beautiful, breathtaking quee